We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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