things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
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We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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