You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
