Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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