My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
