your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
