i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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