life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
