Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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