It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize