My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
