Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
