3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
