She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
