I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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