I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
