Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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