sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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