Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
