This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize