college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
