i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
