I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
