Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
