I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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