I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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