yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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