She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.