hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.