we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
