I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house