then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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