talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"