I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
