I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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