I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
