...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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