Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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