Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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