i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
