So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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