I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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