BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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