I cockslap morals
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
