I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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