I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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