I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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