I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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