it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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