she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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