we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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