I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
