At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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