omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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