My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
