Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
