I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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