Have you finally orgasmed yet?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
