Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i love accidental penises.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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