I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
