Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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