I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
