dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think my fart just growled at me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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