So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
