Where did you get a picture of my penis
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
