with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
