just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
