Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
