Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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