Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
