It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We have started to decorate penises.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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