Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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