I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it's like iHOP with fire
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
